Rita, Frank, and I went down to Disco Tech ( a local Strip club to those are not ….local?) to take my friend Shanel and invitation to my baby shower. I found out that she is not working there anymore. She is on the road featuring and then she is going to visit her mother. This makes me sad for two reasons

1) I really wanted her to be a part of my baby shower……..damnit I should have called her before now.

2) I have no reason to go to the strip club. She was my last connection to any of my old naked friends that are still in the buisness.

One of my friends, who also used to strip, ask me why I put exstripper in my about me. My question is: Why woudn’t I? That is who I am. Without that and all of the experiences that came with it I would not be the Robin that sits here today. I am not saying that it was all roses because that would be a huge lie. In fact most of the time it sucked. I developed a 2 year cocaine problem during this time, I drank way too much, had to much sex with people I probably would not have otherwise, and developed a boundary (or lack there of) issue that I am still working on today. But I also found out that I could support myself, I met my husband ( shutup, to those who know me. OK, One of them. The one that really counts) I got to dress up all the time and do fantasy shows I would never have done otherwise, and met some really great people in the process. All and all I would not trade those five years for anything and yes, I miss it. I still wish that I was younger because I think I would definantly go and do special appearence from time to time just to get it out my system. I would not go back full time because that lifestlye is to draining on many many levels. But even thinking about this is worthless. My experation date as a stripper was up about 5 years ago.

All the girls downtown now are about 12 years old and have 19 inch waists. As much as much I love to go and visit, it reminds me how much I have changed. Last night for example we went looking for Shanel. I stopped and ask one of the tiny young dancers if she was there. The whole time she is telling me that Shanel has moved, I am overly aware of the fact she is wearing a fishnet top, and all I can see are her nipples. When Frank, Rita, and I leave the club I ask them if indeed those were nipples that were staring at me and truying to get in my converstion. They both confirm that yes, in fact they were her nipples. Then I walk away and try to figure out why that bothered me so much. Four years ago I would never have noticed. Back then a pair of nipples were like knees. They were just there, no big deal. Now nipples are nipples. This leaves me with a problem. I do not fit into the “normal” world and know I do not fit into stripper world. Where in the hell does that leave me? I am not your average everyday PTA mom and I am not Anna Nicole Smith either. Anyone have any suggestions? I need HELP!!!!!! Where do I fit in?

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